I Blame Naye

[eiliem]

Title: Unne
Characters: Une, Deluded Sailor (Deluded Sailor is a one-shot OC, but Une is totally legit!)
Rating: PG for Deluded Sailor's leering? PG-13 for the word sex? R for mention of hormones? How does one rate?
Parings: One-sided Deluded!Sailor/bikini-top

First, before you read this fic, you should probably go read what inspired it: at the bottom of this post is a fascinating little lesson on Pirate Kings & naming themes.

Having taken care of that, this fic is for naye. Who inspires cracky, cracky fic. Enjoy.

Unne

Now this is what shore leave is about: booze, good food, and a pretty young thing walking by in a bar. Wearing shorts and a bikini top. A barely-there strappy bikini top.

This is the life

“Hello gorgeous.”

“Hmmm? Oh, hi!” Bikini-top smiles brightly and leans against the counter where you’re sitting.

You’re too busy ogling her soft parts – and okay, she’s not super well-endowed, but damn, that bikini top &hearts – to notice that she’s got muscles a body-builder would kill for. And her legs are fabulous, which is why you fail to register the significance of the knife in the belt of shorts you wish were shorter, or the way she carries herself with the balance of a trained fighter. Your alcohol and hormone-addled brain knows only one thing: she is sex on legs, and you don’t want her to walk away.

The hat hanging down her back is a mistake, though: the bright orange is too loud for her. And the ornamental skull linking the hat’s straps together definitely does not suit her. You hope the hat doesn’t belong to her boyfriend.

She laughs when you voice a query to that end.

“Ahaha, no. No boyfriend.” She grins at you, and you realize you have a freckles fetish.

Encouraged, you start flirting with her in earnest, casting an eye around to see if any of your crewmates are here to witness your great luck. She’s beautiful, attentive, and doesn’t laugh at you when you casually mention how you single-handledly defeated a Sea King last Wednesday (a bare-faced lie, but what’s a sweet, lonely, land-bound girl going to know?)

Eventually you suppose that the hat is kind of sexy, in a weird, discordant sort of way.

But just as you work up the courage to invite her to sit and have a drink, she pushes away from the counter, shoves the hat onto her head and waves you goodbye.

“It’s been nice talking to you! Have a good evening.” And walks off without a second glance.

Disappointed, you turn to back to your meal, only to find that your food has disappeared. Behind you, the barkeep starts shouting:

“Stop that girl! She hasn’t paid for her meal!”

~The next day, Deluded Sailor saw Portgas D Une's Wanted Poster.

So naye wondered what Luffy’s older sibling would have been like, if Roger and Rouge had had a daughter instead of Ace. She concluded that Une would be just like Ace. Obviously I needed to explore this in fic. Because I am insane.

Just a note on the name: in Japanese it’s “An”, which is the Japanese pronunciation for “Un” (the French word for "one"). However, as a francophone, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally unable to name a girl the masculine “Un”, and have, for the sake of my linguistic sanity, transformed this to the feminine version: "Une". Or, since this is Ace’s parallel universe “sister”: Unne.


Of course, having imagined girl!Ace, I immediately pictured a situation I will never be able to unsee, and that is Luffy's crew's reaction to meeting Une at Alabasta. Specifically, Sanji's reaction.

I don't think there's enough brain bleach in the world to scrub away the image of Sanji perving on Luffy's older sister. Somehow, that seems more incestuous than him hitting on Nami. I don't know why. o_O

"Melloriiiine~" *shares the weird so I will not be alone*

Comments

[shayera.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHA!! YES! I'm so glad you did this - I've been thinking that Portugas D Une would have been awesome, too. We have a name for a canon-AU girl!Ace, and she totally would have been just the same! XDD

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Worse! Because on top of dining-and-dashing she would have had hapless, drooling sailors to steal food from! XXXDDD

*needs to unsee Sanji!fail over Une*

[shayera.livejournal.com]

*needs to unsee Sanji!fail over Une*

Perhaps you need to write it? XDD

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONONONONO!!

@_@

Your idea, your fic. You write it!

[shayera.livejournal.com]

...no. But it'd be lulzy if you did! XD

[elvenarchress.livejournal.com]

Ace will be Ace whether he's Ace/Une XD...although its a little frightening to think of what he'd be able to get away with as a girl...or that Une would most likely wear *less* than Ace what with a bikini top and probably midthigh shorts...(at least the guy shorts he wears reaches to his knees..almost)

...Ace's probably happy he's a guy though...can you imagine the trauma Une would have gone through explaining to Luffy about guy&girl differences especially when she's going through puberty? Awkward won't cover it XD

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Well actually, if you factor in that Une wears a bikini top, even with shorter shorts she's still wearing more than Ace XP

Mmmm, shirtless Ace &hearts&hearts

lol *is incorrigible*

Awkward won't cover it

It would either have been super awkward (SUPER! *is shot*), or Luffy would have had one of his zen moments where he's like "you are you, and I am me, and that is all I care about" XP

[elvenarchress.livejournal.com]

One can only hope. Considering how Ace/Une seems to dislike clothes, I'm betting she'd wear the smallest one she could get away with though. XD on that note ever read fashion_mistake's drabble about the Whitebeard Pirates' reaction to female!Ace's clothes(or lack of) (http://fashi0n-mistake.livejournal.com/42644.html#cutid2)

Luffy would have had one of his zen moments

He would, wouldn't he? Just when Ace's finally has a good speech prepared...or Luffy'd just declare it as a "Mystery" and be done with it...

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

AAHAHAHAHAHA, cute &hearts

*breaks the lulz to be serious* I wonder though, if Ace goes shirtless to show off his tattoo? In flashbacks see him wearing a shirt until he officially joins Whitebeard's crew, and then when Usopp asks him about the tattoo in Alabasta, he calls it his "pride and joy"... o_O?

Luffy and his "mysteries"! Yes!! &hearts

[elvenarchress.livejournal.com]

He probably does (though he did wear his shirts open before...) does this mean it's partly Shirohige''s fault he runs around shirtless? I mean Ace could have gotten the tattoo on his chest or arm like the other commanders but it was the old man who said to "take my mark upon your back"...then had it done with a whole lotta (purple) ink.

On that note...why's Ace the only one with the full Whitebeard Jolly Roger? everyone else got the silhouette version (simple cross version with a halfmoon) and nowhere near as large as Fire Fist's.

congrats on writing a Happy!Ace and an eat-and-run fic btw...XD

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

why's Ace the only one with the full Whitebeard Jolly Roger?

Ace...is flashier than everyone else? I don't know. It could be that it was just a bigger deal for him, the whole having-a-dad thing and he wanted a bigger, fancier tattoo to show it? But good observation! I'd never thought about it. o_O

congrats on writing a Happy!Ace and an eat-and-run fic btw

Ahaha, lol thanks

[naye]

Me?! But what did I do?! I didn't say, hey, you know what would be hilarious? Female Ace and Deluded Sailor! And also a dine-and-dash!

No, that was you! You and your brilliant, brilliant, but highly shroomed-up brain. XD (ODA SHROOMS! You cannot deny it!)

I love this. A lot. ♥ And I do think "Une" works! I mean. "Un" ..... no. Just. No. My poor mother tongue; you can't make it do that! (It'd be like naming your girl "Boy" XD Or "Him".)

But Une? It looks pretty! It carries all of the original meaning (kind of)! And it's only a vowel off from the Japanese pronunciation of "Un".

Thanks for linking my post! ♥ I've been getting interesting people stopping buy, and you know how happy that makes me! \o/

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

A comment (by you) in the post I linked:

Now I'm almost tempted to gender-switch Ace, just because. Basically, girl!Ace - Un - would've been exactly like Ace. And it would've been fantastic to see the crew's faces if Luffy's sister showed up, and Luffy told them he'd never beaten her. XDDD

Directly inspired this = all your fault XP

(And, okay, the shrooms added the Deluded Sailor, but you said Exactly Like Ace - hence the dine-and-dash!!)

No, that was you! You and your brilliant, brilliant, but highly shroomed-up brain. XD (ODA SHROOMS! You cannot deny it!)

AHAHAHA, oh, so very very shroomed XP

I've been getting interesting people stopping buy, and you know how happy that makes me!

My poor mother tongue; you can't make it do that!

Ahaha, oh do I feel your pain.

Une is in the spirit of what Oda intended anyway, so I figure it's okay ^^

YAY! New victims, muahahahaha *cough*I mean, erm, new people to squee with, hurray XP

[naye]

...oh. Ah.

Um.

Okay. You and your freakishly good memory strike again! XD

I suppose I will take a little responsibility, then. (And I'll do it by dancing around going yay crackfic! for meee!.)

New people = ♥!

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Well...it isn't so much freakishly good memory as I saw that comment and thought "girl!Ace, dine-and-dash, possibilities, muahaha" and then didn't actually sit down and write it.

And then someone made me realize that I hadn't actually written any Ace dine-and-dash, so I retrieved this crack from where it was bouncing around in my head and typed it up XP

[naye]

Have I mentioned recently that I love your head? ♥ Because I do. A LOT! *___*

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Lol, thank you ^^

Except I am still trying to exorcise the image of Sanji hitting on Une and it. Won't Go. Away!

That icon always makes me lol like crazy. Oh Luffy

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

*hopeful look*

Nooooo, now I will have an Une and an Ace in my head! There's not enough room in there!!! O_O

the D siblings are awfully protective of each other..

I think...that in the case of nakama being themselves around his sister (oh Sanji and your women-related fail *rolls eyes*) Luffy wouldn't particularly mind, or even have it register - maybe he'd laugh. Also, Ace is very protective (at least it seems that way) of Luffy, but Luffy tries to be respectful of his brother's strength and freedom. "Ace has his own adventure".

I'm the one who needs the brain bleach to deal with the idea @_@ Sanji, gtfo my brain, Ace has already staked a claim. =_=

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

But but - two Aces in my head? O_O I don't think my brain could handle the number of plot-bunnies!

Yeah...it's kind of funny, on the one hand they trust each other to sail on the Grand Line and be okay and stuff. But on the other hand..."mess with my brother and there will be D00M!!"

^^

[arcielfreeder.livejournal.com]

I laughed hardly at the end of the story! Gyahaha! XD

She's all EAR-- Eat-and-Run!! XD

Thank you for linking this! I'd regret it if I missed this! <3

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

lol - glad you enjoyed it ^^

It would be sad to miss out on Une, wouldn't it XP

She's all EAR-- Eat-and-Run!! XD

AHAHAHA, punny!

[catiprojectc.livejournal.com]

Really nice story, and definatly pleasnt to read.
It definatly brought a smile to my face.

And .. XD I mean female and still Dine and run.
XD I guess that's something that will always stay the same.

Bascially I find it brilliant. :D
Keep it up!

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

there is now a sequel by me, and one that shayera wrote as well here

And then naye did fanart AND fanfic, so go look at her journal, if you have not already done so &hearts

And glad you liked Une-verse ^^

[catiprojectc.livejournal.com]

:D thank you for pin pointing out the sequel, I hadn'read that one yet. and I loved it just as much.

I know right Naye's fanart looked abslutly amazing. ((I haven't figured out yet how to do links and all that in comments XD)) I think I read her fanfic as well, but I'm starting to doubt now. I'll have to check just in case.

Yeah I like it alright, ofcourse Ace himself pretty much already claimed my fave sport, Une is starting to grow on me. XD

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

Ace is &hearts&hearts

So obviously his non-existent twin sister would be awesome XP

[wispyhollow.livejournal.com]

So this is the start of the Une virus, I assume? xDD I'm lovin' it already.

[eiliem.livejournal.com]

This was the beginning ^^;

(actually, the beginning was when Oda told us that if Rouge and Roger had had a girl they would have named her "An" (which is Japanese for "Un", and which I, for the sake of linguistic sanity, translated to "Une"))